Buy This Book! Or Not! I Don’t Really Care! (No, Seriously!)

If you’re one of the intentional visitors to this fine blog (as opposed to the people who merely stumbled upon it while searching for scat porn) (and there’s nothing wrong with that; true story – I actually started this blog while searching for scat porn!), I’ve got some good news for you. This week, the book version of this blog, “Canned,” is going to hit bookshelves everywhere. It’s basically going to be just like this blog, only printed on paper, which will be convenient. Because if you hate it, you can just burn it, no harm done, whereas if you hate this blog and you take a tire iron to your laptop, you’re out a laptop, aren’t you? And then what will you do, watch porn on television?! What if your girlfriend comes home for lunch unexpectedly?

So go shoplift it at a bookstore near you, or, if you’re a completely spineless coward, buy it. Just act fast, because shelf space is at a premium these days, and it could very well be remaindered in a matter of weeks to make room for something like “The Faith Hill and Tim McGraw Gluten-Free BBQ Cookbook,” which will not only have an initial print run of several million, but will have a huge display booth in every bookstore in the country, where if you buy the book, they’ll let you enter into a small blacked-out chamber and “do what you will” with an officially-licensed Faith Hill RealDoll (TM). Don’t worry ladies, you haven’t been forgotten, my sources tell me that they’ll be a booth with a Tim McGraw doll too, with a li’l Tim protruding from the front so you can “back up on it.” As the kids say. The black kids, mostly, but some white ones also say it.